Wednesday, October 10, 2012

Guest Post: Life after the loss of a child

How to Go on With Life After The Loss of A Child

Losing a child is the worst pain that a person can experience. Whether the
passing is expected or unexpected, no one should have to bury a child. When
you have experienced such a heart wrenching loss, you'll need to find ways
to go on with your life.

*Grieve Properly*
How can a person grieve "properly"? Essentially, this means you must grieve in a way appropriate for you. Perhaps you'll want to say casual prayers each night, or maybe you'll just spend time crying. Don't let people tell you to stop. Eventually, yes, you will want to pick up and move on. However, before you can do that, you have to allow yourself to react in the way that is natural for you.

*Be A Team*
Sometimes, when a child passes away, parents start to blame one another for the death. Remember though, death happens, and it is, unfortunately, a natural part of life. In many cases, it is no one's fault. You need to look to your spouse for a sense of strength during this difficult time. Be one another's biggest supports, and don't criticize the other person's way of handling the passing. You'll make this situation harder on one another. Grieve as a couple too. Create a memorial for your child, or attend weekly prayer services together to ensure your bond stays strong.

*Find Your Faith*
When times are difficult and life hands people unfair lots, they often turn toward God or to another higher power in which they believe. Doing so offers a sense of comfort because it lets the parents know that life goes on beyond this world. Talking to God or other spiritual beings can give parents a sense of how their child is doing in the beyond. Ultimately, you want to look toward the other comforts that faith can provide you. Depending upon the religion, you may be reassured that your child has been
rewarded in the Kingdom of Heaven, or you may come to believe that your little one has been reincarnated and is still very much alive.

In addition to working together through this time as a team, you need to be able to communicate. Sometimes, communication will come in the form of tears and sobs and not just words. That is fine. You also have to be willing to communicate with your other children. If they are very young, they will likely be quite confused as to what is happening. Have your little one participate in going to mass or visiting your deceased child's grave. Do not make up fake stories. Be honest about what happened, and be honest about what your religious and spiritual beliefs are. For example, you don't want your child to think that he or she is going to pass away every time he or she is ill.

Dealing with the loss of a child is a pain that no parent should have to bear. Unfortunately, this tragic situation sometimes occurs. You'll likely have a long road of grieving ahead of you, and you will never forget your precious child. However, you can start to find ways to continue on - trust me.

Martha Whimers is a contributing author at

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