Monday, May 17, 2010

A testimony of the power of the pen

Mourning the Death of a Relationship Through Writing the Heartache

Those words are not a dramatic statement, but are a beginning of acknowledging the loss of someone who lives yet acts as though you are dead.

For those who have experienced the loss of a loved one who has not died, there is hope and relief in the form of the Writing the Heartache workshop. For years I thought I was crazy; having assumed that the grief that never seemed to end was all in my head. Writing the Heartache showed me that the assumption was wrong; I wasn’t crazy, I was continually grieving.

For years I have been beating myself up for the choices made by another over which I had no control or influence. I had been blaming myself for causing the whole relationship to collapse. I had believed the lies, the tormenting taunts that if I had been a better sister, if I had done more to help her, if I had been there, if I had been more mature, if If IF. When you let the “ifs” take over, they conquer your whole life. If is only a possibility, it is not the truth, it is not an accurate reflection of what was nor is a suggestion of what will be.

The workshop is just as powerful when you are grieving the loss of a relationship as when you are grieving the loss of a person when you open your heart to the ministry of writing, open your mind to seeing another perspective and open your spirit to the ministering of God through the gift of writing what is in your heart.

When I first signed up for the workshop, I hoped it would help. Throughout the workshop I discovered a whole new reality than the one that I had believed in. I was able to see truths about myself, my sister, and my situation that I was not able to see before; as well as putting the past into perspective which I could not have done otherwise.

Pouring out the grief onto paper brought more healing than talking allowed for me. The words flowed freely and by releasing them, they lost their sting, their power over me and any affect they once had.

The assignments given were not complicated, but asked you to look into your heart, to see beyond the obvious and let go of those things that hindered you. When you put your heart in black and white you can see a whole palette of possibilities you could not see before. It is as though you are seeing the situation for the first time in Technicolor.

This workshop does not guarantee that you will share your epiphanies with the one who is gone from your life. There is no guarantee it will ever be made known to anyone but you. I do not plan to show these writings to my sister. This is something I did for me. It was worth every hour spent, every tear shed, and every heartache rending me again to gain the freedom and self-forgiveness. At the end of this workshop I can see my sister more clearly, I have a new perspective about what really happened, but more important I know myself better and can see a deeper truth about who I am.

This workshop is a gift you give yourself. It will continue to make a difference in your life long after you stop remembering you ever completed the assignments. Five weeks are an investment in yourself that never ceases to give rich dividends.

~ Written by one of the attendees of my Writing the Heartache online course and used with permission for this blog.

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