Sometimes it takes someone else’s perspective to show me how my family is dealing with the fall-out from our daughter’s death.
After Katie died from relapsed neuroblastoma in August 2008, we all picked up the pieces of our lives and tried to move as best we could. Every day I still question how well we are doing that. Every day I remind myself that our fourteen year old daughter lived life out loud - each day was precious whether it was pain filled or not, so I absolutely cannot waste a day that I have been given.
Still, it is hard. Curling up and sleeping seems like an awfully good idea on a regular basis. But, I have a career, we have another child, we have a marriage to work on, and even though being with Katie again seems like the only goal I have sometimes, she would be absolutely livid for us to give up.
So, back to someone else’s perspective. Socializing, going to events, participating in life - well, we make ourselves do it. Last night we went to a baseball game for our local team. It was just Erika and me, because Mike had to work. We ended up sitting with friends, talking, laughing. Erika had to wait for the end of the game to get the players to sign a baseball. I ran into another friend, catching up, who commented how much he loved watching Erika skipping around, laughing, smiling and so happy. He knew what we had gone through, and loved to see her enjoying life.
While we have to make an effort to show up and live, it seems to be paying off. And I also think we are honoring our Katie in the best way - by living the way she did, each day.
~ By Michele Krize